1. Ask permission to ask questions. Even if you think you know they are comfortable answering, they may actually not be or maybe not in that setting, and it is just rude and pretty off-putting to not ask. Say, “Hey do you mind if I ask you some things about your transition? I’ve been a little curious – feel free to not answer or say no.”
2. Avoid private and personal questions. Even a so-called open book like me doesn’t want to discuss my sex life with most anyone. If you really want to know about trans men and sex, ask in general terms – i.e. “Are many trans men ‘stone butch’ in bed?” vs. “Are you stone butch in bed?” BIG difference.
3. Do not ask questions that in any way challenge the trans person’s gender identity or expression or could obviously lead to dysphoria. Do NOT, for example, ask if a trans man will grow to be ‘average male height’ or if a trans woman is uncomfortable with the size of her hands. I’ve gotten, “Are you ever going to look your age?” Ouch, honey.
4. Phrase your questions in a way that affirms a trans person’s gender. And avoid anything that defines the trans person in terms of who they once “were.” This is pretty simple, actually. Instead of asking if someone is “still legally female,” ask what the steps are to becoming legally male and if they have completed them.
5. Avoid comparisons to non-trans people and never use the term “real” in distinguishing between transgender and non-transgender people. “Cisgender” or “non-trans” are the only appropriate ways to signify non-trans status.
6. If it is a general question, try Google first. There is a lot of information on the internet and an open trans person should not be a stand-in for your own research.
7. Do not ask what the person’s birth name was. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to know this and it is likely something this person wants distance from. It is a particularly offensive question when phrased, “What is your REAL name.” After all, Sebastian is my real name and has been since I started asking people to use it.
8. Request specific permission to ask questions relating to genitalia, even if you’ve already received general permission to ask other personal questions. “Are you comfortable discussing your genitalia?” Chances are they aren’t. After all, do you want to talk about yours? But some people are and I acknowledge that there is definitely education needed on the topic so I am not opposed entirely to asking questions, as long as you get extra permission first.
9. Be wary of your phrasing. If you aren’t sure how to talk about trans issues, you need to announce that in the beginning. Be open to correction and don’t get defensive if a trans person is offended by something you say. As a heads up, don’t refer to a trans person as their previously-assigned gender – don’t say “when you were a girl” to a trans man for example. A more accurate and safer route is “before you transitioned” or “when you were living as a girl.”
10. Be aware of your setting. These are private conversations. Don’t approach someone at a crowded party or in algebra class and expect them to have a trans chat with you.
11. Be sensitive to the person’s comfort level throughout the conversation. If they’ve given you permission but are obviously growing uncomfortable discussing things, don’t press. Be grateful for the information you’ve gained and change the subject.
12. Respect the person’s privacy. Unless this person stated otherwise, the personal information they gave you is not for you to share with the world.
Always worth a reblog.
Yes. (I am grateful that my first trans friends, in London in the early 80s, did not mind my incredibly personal questions.)
(Source: transpride)
Collect ‘em All!
**this post has made everything better today.
I love them all.
(Source: greggorysshocktheater)
He asked me, “Well, what if you found out that the trans woman you were attracted to still had a penis?”
I laughed and replied that I am attracted to people, not disembodied body parts. And I would be a selfish, ignorant, and unsatisfying lover if I believed that my partner’s genitals existed primarily for my pleasure rather than her own.
All that you ever need to know about genitals is that they are made up of flesh, blood, and millions of tiny, restless nerve endings- anything else that you read into them is mere hallucination, a product of your own overactive imagination.
"“Whipping Girl” by Julia Serano, Love Rant
All that you ever need to know about genitals is that they are made up of flesh, blood, and millions of tiny, restless nerve endings- anything else that you read into them is mere hallucination, a product of your own overactive imagination.
I just need to bold and repeat this part because YES YES YES. This passage came up yesterday when talking with a friend about ways that she could participate in/disrupt the endlessly fucked up Vagina Monologues while also finding ways to honor her body and her existence as a trans woman and to challenge the cissexism that structures the play.
(via boyqueen)
(via newton-pulsifer)
As a fantasy writer, I am RIDIC tired of reading the same goddamn story over and over and over again. It’s all basically Lord of the Rings, but with different names and different territories. (I’m dead serious about that. Whole books have been written about how LOTR changed…
(via hannibalisms)
Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe. Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.
You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh. It’s not about being “good in bed.” It’s about being happy.
One should never worry if they’re doing it “correctly.” Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.
What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you. Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.
Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be. I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.
I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want. It’s originality. It’s passion. It’s joy. Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.
I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.
“Good in bed,” what. You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you. Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel. This isn’t a test."
(Source: sadexistences, via newton-pulsifer)
Do you remember when we met
in Gomorrah? When you were still beardless,
and I would oil my hair in the lamp light before seeing
you, when we were young, and blushed with youth
like bruised fruit. Did we care then
what our neighbors did
in the dark?
When our first…
R E S T I N S I N
a southern gothic mix (zip)i. american wheeze 16 horsepower
ii. restless sinner black rebel motorcycle club
iii. trouble with the lord karen elson
iv. blood on my name the wright brothers
v. devil’s spoke laura marling
vi. fault line black rebel motorcycle club
vii. wayfaring stranger jack white
viii. wolves phosphorescent
ix. god’s gonna get you down johnny cash
x. outlaw song 16 horsepower
xi. bottom of the river delta rae
xii. black jack davey the white stripes
xiii. devil’s waitin’ black rebel motorcycle club
xiv. fire in the blood / snake song nick cave, warren ellis, and emmylou harris
xv. there is nothing lonesome wyatt and the holy spooks
xvi. drown in the river those poor bastards
(Source: iggyperrish, via newton-pulsifer)
I like this idea. Start the year with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen. Then, on New Years Eve, empty it and see what awesome stuff happened that year. Good way to keep things in perspective.
ugh need to do this
(via stampstamp)
New Order - Temptation
Oh, you’ve got green eyes
Oh, you’ve got blue eyes
Oh, you’ve got gray eyes
And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before
No, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before
(via apriki)
I thought all of the Avengers represented in Joss Whedon’s The Avengers got their fair share of screen time. But lets face it, some got more screen time than others. Vulture went ahead and clocked the screen time of each character in the film just so we could know this useless bit of geek trivia.
Hawkeye: 12:44.
Thor: 25:52.
Bruce Banner: 28:03.
Black Widow: 33:35.
Iron Man: 37:01.
Captain America: 37:42.(Source)
(Source: lordofthemeangirls, via lebakerette)
